Mood For A Day
by Skyblaze
Summary: Set directly after 'The Two Doctors'. Peri and the Doctor both have to face the repercussions of Dastari's interference with the Doctor's genetics.


**Mood For A Day**

Author's Notes: I came up with the idea for this after watching 'The Two Doctors'. I thought the idea of a supposedly superior and distant Time Lord suddenly becoming obsessed with sensual pleasure was interesting.

_For those who would break the windows  
Of our true reflections  
And perceptions of the world... _

That night began as most nights did in the TARDIS. The usually glaring interior lights dimmed slowly to 20% power as Peri sat at her dressing table, carefully brushing her dark hair. She sighed tiredly, looking forward to her rest. Today had been a long and trying day and she keenly felt the need to relax and put some of the more disturbing memories out of her mind.  
She had just set down her hairbrush when she heard it. From somewhere not far away, a muffled sound drifted through the supposedly empty corridors. Peri froze, straining to hear. For a second, she thought she had just been imagining it and she was about to relax when it came again, barely audible over the ever-present hum of the TARDIS, but definitely a sound made by a living creature. She immediately ruled out the possibility that it could be the Doctor - he never went anywhere without making a grand show of announcing his presence with loud footsteps.   
Dreading the idea of what she would find, Peri wrapped herself in a robe and slipped out the door. Her bare feet made no sound against the cold floor of the TARDIS as she followed the muffled noise down the endless, twisting corridors. At last, she came a section of the TARDIS she had never ventured into before. The sound was clearer here, sounding almost like a kind of muffled sobbing, a heartbreaking sound filled with utter anguish. She gently pushed open a door and found herself in some sort of atrium.   
Though this place - like the rest of the TARDIS - was dark, Peri could quite clearly see the glass and metal construction that reached up towards the ceiling in a shape that looked vaguely pyramidal. Peri gasped as she looked up through the glass apex of the ceiling. An amazing view of the galaxy - stars and planets dancing endlessly in the vast expanse of space, was projected there...or at least, Peri thought it was a projection...  
It was a repetition of the mournful sound that broke Peri away from her contemplation of the starry universe. Pushing her way through the vastly overgrown pot plants in her way, Peri at last found the source of the noise...and all she could do was stare in disbelief.  
It was the Doctor.   
He was curled up on himself, pulled as far into this tiny corner as he could, his knees drawn up near his chest...and he was crying. Sobbing inconsolably, tears running freely down his cheeks as he murmured the names of his companions with each hitched breath.   
Peri's heart ached at the total hopelessness written in his every action. She had never seen him like this, never this completely lost and despondent.  
"Doctor..." She whispered, feeling sympathetic tears gather in her own eyes as he raised his face towards her, his inner torment written clearly on his features.

The Doctor had always prided himself on the fact that he never ran from anything. Even though he might sometimes retreat, he would always return later to defeat those who would threaten him or his friends.   
But tonight, he had found an enemy he couldn't defeat or run away from.  
Himself.  
"...Zoe, Victoria, Liz, Jo, Sarah, Leela, Romana, Nyssa, Tegan, Peri...Peri...oh, Peri..."   
He repeated those names over and over. The names of all his female companions. There had been many over the years, and his relationship with each of them had always been subtly different. They had been his friends, confidantes, students and many other things. He often repeated their names silently to himself whenever he needed a reminder of exactly what he was fighting for. But this time, whenever he reached the name of his current companion, he felt the anguish all over again and the tears would start anew.   
There was something wrong with him. Something deep inside himself that he couldn't quite control. Ever since his regeneration into this body, something hadn't been quite right. He had felt slightly scared of himself since he, in post-regenerative crisis, had attacked Peri...but now he felt outright terrified.  
Dastari! That meddling, old fool! Trying to change a Time Lord, a member of a race who had all but abandoned emotion, into a creature who survived on instinct, emotion and pure, sensual pleasure.  
The Doctor shuddered violently as he remembered the unfamiliar, alien desires and sensations running through him. The hunger for new tastes, the sheer potency of physical sensation, things he'd never paid attention to before suddenly coming directly to the forefront of his consciousness.  
He could see it with crystal clarity; He had turned to Peri as he realised what was happening to him, exclaiming that he was turning into an Androgum...and then he had seen it. A single bead of sweat, trickling down from her throat and down her chest to disappear under the line of her shirt...and for one confused and desperate instant, he had wanted so much to follow the line of that trail of water with his fingers and feel the sensation of her warm human flash against his skin, to perhaps taste the salt of her sweat. It had stirred something hot and primal inside him, a different kind of hunger that made his rational self recoil in terror at the thoughts he found himself contemplating.   
He had thought that when he returned to his normal self that those disturbing thoughts and images would leave him...but they hadn't. He had been used to having his thoughts and emotions under his own control, neat and orderly... but he hadn't been able to escape those unfamiliar thoughts even here in the familiar haven of the TARDIS...Peri's scent was everywhere, distracting him.  
So, he had fled to the atrium. A place he knew Peri had never been, hoping that the soothing sight of the galaxy projection, and the odours of the many plants could help clear his mind...it hadn't helped. And his anguish had only grown.  
So, when Peri spoke to him, it was all he could do not to flinch away.  
"Peri..." He choked, "You shouldn't be here."

Something was terribly, terribly wrong here. Peri could feel it...and most worrying of all, she had a feeling it was something to do with her.  
"Doctor," She pleaded, "Please tell me what's wrong...maybe I can help you."  
"No," He said, his voice sounding too sad and quiet for her liking, "No, you can't help me..."   
Peri stared at him. It was as though every trace of his usual brash, confident bravado had been washed away, leaving only this scared, hurt shell. And Peri's nature was such that she hated to see anyone in pain, especially someone she cared for. Slowly, she knelt next to him. His storm of weeping seemed to have died down, leaving behind a kind of profound melancholy as he stared into space.  
"Doctor," She tried again trying to make her voice sound encouraging, "Talk to me."   
He turned to look at her, his blue eyes brimming with sorrow.  
"How long before you leave me, Peri?" He asked in a tired, sorrowful voice.  
"What?" Peri asked in confusion.  
"They always leave me, you know." He said, and for the first time since his regeneration, Peri could truly see and hear the old Doctor his eyes and voice, as though that cricket-white wearing incarnation were somehow speaking from the past. It was almost...creepy. Like listening to a ghost. "Usually they ride off into the sunset with some handsome young thing," The Doctor continued, his voice still aching with sadness, "And I'm supposed to stand there and smile, pretend that I'm truly happy for them. Sometimes I even promise to come back and see them...and I never do."  
"Well, why not?" Peri asked, partly just to keep him talking in hopes of discovering what was wrong, and in part out of genuine curiosity.  
"Because..." He sighed, "Because I'm terrified that if I do see them, I'll discover that they truly are happier without me..." He lifted his hands, looking at them almost critically. "I'm a Time Lord. I can do Rassilon calculus in my head, I'm a student of just about every known branch of science, I can pilot almost any type of craft in the galaxy, I know things human scientists could never even conceive of...and it all meant nothing thanks to a few bits of genetic material from a primitive, instinct-driven species..." His hands clenched into fists as his words reached a bitter crescendo.  
"You mean...what Dastari did?" Peri asked cautiously, her confusion rising by the second. His words seemed to make no sense as he seemed to flit from topic to topic.  
The Doctor closed his eyes as though he were in pain.  
"I...I couldn't control myself, Peri." He said, his voice now wracked by guilt, "My thoughts were...out of control. I couldn't concentrate on anything..."  
Peri almost laughed, "Is that all?" She smiled, "That happens to everyone sometimes, Doctor."  
"No!" He almost shouted, taking hold of her shoulders and looking deeply into her eyes, "You don't understand, Peri..." He took a deep breath, "I...I _wanted_ you, Peri." He gasped, his hands falling away from her shoulders as he turned his face away from her again. "I'm...sorry, Peri." He sighed in a scarcely audible voice.

He felt Peri's hand gently touch his face, turning his head towards her. To his surprise, he didn't see the shock and disgust he had expected on her face. Instead, her eyes were gentle and compassionate, and faintly amused.  
"Is that what all this is about?" She asked, smiling, "Oh, Doctor...do you really think that matters?"  
He shuddered, "I'm...scared, Peri. I don't know if this regeneration is entirely stable...I don't want to hurt anyone...and those thoughts..."  
"Then it's a good thing I'm here to keep an eye on you." Peri grinned. She stood up and tugged lightly on the Doctor's arm. "C'mon, Doctor, you need to get some rest. I don't think this is really the time or place to talk about this."  
To Peri's surprise, he followed her without protest, his eyes grateful beyond measure.

When they reached his room, he reached out one infinitely gentle hand to touch her face.  
"I've always thought you were beautiful, Peri." He said softly. Peri pushed him gently inside, waiting patiently until he lay down on his enormous bed before she turned to leave, but his fingers caught her wrist. She turned back and saw the puppy-dog look in his blue eyes. Sighing, she settled onto the edge of the bed, scarcely able to believe this was happening. Here she was, in the Doctor's room, holding his hand until he relaxed enough to sleep. At last, the Doctor's breathing evened out to the point where she knew he was sleeping. Peri disentangled her fingers from his and tiptoed to the door, shutting it quietly behind her.  
Peri smiled, happy that she had restored some peace to the Doctor's troubled mind. She knew that when tonight was over, they would probably never speak of this again...but, somehow, it didn't really matter. Something had changed, and not even the Doctor's inevitable return to his usual brash self could alter what they both knew had happened tonight.

The End


End file.
